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Narsisistik Ebeveynle Büyümek
Narsisizm Nedir?
Narsisizm, kişinin kendi benliği ya da bedenine karşı duyduğu hayranlık olarak nitelendirilebilir. Narsisist kişilik bozukluğu (NPD) ise bunun ileri boyutta olmasıdır.
Narsisistik olan kişiler derinde yatan düşük öz saygıya rağmen dış dünyadan kabul ve yüksek saygı beklerler. Fikirlerinin her zaman dikkate alınmasını, ortamda sözü dinlenen kişiler olmayı beklerler. Kolay alınabilir, suçlayıcı ya da yargılayıcı davranabilirler. Empati yeteneklerinden yoksundurlar. Yakın ilişki kurmak zordur.
Narsisistik Ebeveyne Sahip Olmak
Narsisistik ebeveynle büyümek kişinin zihinsel sağlığına ciddi zararlar verebilir. Narsisistik ebeveynler çocuklarını kendilerinin bir parçası olarak görürler. Onları sadece kendi istedikleri şekilde davranırlarsa severler ve kabul ederler. Kendi istediği olmadığı zaman manipülatif davranışlar, aşağılama gibi davranışlarla kendi istediklerinin olmasını sağlamaya çalışırlar.
Narsisistik ebeveynler kolayca gücenebilir, istekleri doğrultusunda sürekli ısrar edebilir, çocuklarının istek ve ihtiyaçlarını görmezden gelebilirler. Çocuklar ise ebeveynden mahrum kalmamak için beklentiyi karşılamaya çalışır.
Eş-Narsisizm (Co-Narcissism)
Bu terim Psikoterapist Alan Rappoport tarafından narsisistik ebeveynlerle yaşayan çocukların geliştirdiği kişilik özelliklerini tanımlamak için geliştirilmiştir. Narsisistik ebeveynle büyüyen bireyler hem çocukluk hem de yetişkinlik döneminde diğer insanların kendileri hakkında ne düşündükleri hakkında hep kaygılanan ve kendi ihtiyaç ve düşüncelerini ikinci plana atan kişilerdir.
Narsisistik ebeveynle büyüyen çocuklar ebevenylerin ihtiyaç ve isteklerini yerine getirerek büyümüşlerdir. Bu yüzden kendi isteklerini doğrultusunda yaşarken bencillik ya da suçluluk hissederler. Karar verirken önce karşı tarafı düşünme eğilimindedirler. Kendilerinden ve yeteneklerinden her zaman şüpheye düşer ve emin olamazlar. Yetişkin olduktan sonra bile kendilerinden tam olarak emin olamazlar ve hep onaylanma ihtiyacı duyarlar.
İlişkileri ve bağlanmayı kendi manipülatif ebeveynlerinden öğrendikleri için güvenli bağlanmak onlar için çok zordur. İkili ilişkilerde sorun yaşarlar. Koşulsuz bir sevgi korkutucu olabilir.
Narsisistik ebeveynler duygusal olarak her zaman ben merkezcidirler ve çevresini suçlamaya meyillidirler. Bu yüzden ebeveyni narsisistik olan bireyler çocukluktan itibaren kendilerini suçlayarak büyürler. Bu durum yetişkinlikte de devam edebilir. Tüm suçu üstlenebilirler ya da kendi suçunun olmadığı durumlarda bile kendilerini suçlu görebilirler.
Ebeveynlerinin aksine narsisist bir ebeveyne sahip kişiler yaşadıkları sorunlar sebebiyle psikoterapi desteğine açıktırlar. Terapiye başvurduklarında bile güvensiz bağlanmaların izleri görülür. Bu nedenle danışan ve terapistin ilişkisi çok önemlidir.
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